Ayo whattup...you now baskin in the rays of the everlastin enlightened presence of the mighty Hands of Zeus aka Divine Snowcones aka Caviar Tusks aka the one n only Cocaine Biceps aka the illustrious Phantom Raviolis aka Thor Molecules the great aka Shampoo Bracelets the panty melter aka the world famous Galaxy Knuckles...yall might also kno me as Spartacus Deluxe or Human Arithmetic in the flesh. Welcome back to the Cappuccino Lounge. Id like to thank Okayplayer for havin me once again. We gon touch on what I felt was the most fuckouttaherest moments of the year n shit. I mean really I could make a list of like 8,000 moments but I narrowed that shit down to six namsayin. But yo enough explainin...lets jus get shit on n poppin...
Disclaimer: The views n shit in this muthafucka is all my owns…so that aint in no way a reflection of nobody other than myself n whatever whatever. No other man or woman or child represented heretofore n such hereby is sharin the opinion of the gentleman who be sayin the shit contained within namsayin. This muthafucka do be containin foul language n shit that might offend small children n old people n shit too.
Ok, lessgo...
6. STILL still no album from Jay Electronica
This is almost jus insultin now b... Remember back in June/July after Hov n J. Cole both dropped they albums n then Jay ElectRamadaanMuhammadAsalaamaleikumRasoulAllahSubhanahuWaTaalaThroughYaMonitor got on twitter n said "ok. now it’s my turn. Lets Go." Yall remember the LOLs n LMAOOOOOOOOOOs that ensued after that? Shit is pretty self-explanatory from there namsayin. You kno when you go to the movies n you see a trailer for a flick that looks like its bout to be the greatest shit ever made n it got you mad hype n then its like....'COMING......CHRISTMAS 2018'? Shit aint dope right? Now take the anticipation for this album when it was first announced n replace the date wit 'Neveruary Neverteenth Neverthousandandnever'. Fucked up aint it? Blame Kate Rothschild or the Illuminati or Jay Electron hisself... but it dont change the fact that son need to stop playin wit muthafuckas's emotions.
5. "Wu-Tang Forever"
Naw...not the Wu Tang album of the same name. Yall already kno what the fuck Im talmbout. We aint gon jus put a big bow on this year n call it a wrap without acknowledgin what this shit was. It was a lot of moments on Nothing Was The Same where Young Mayonnaise was makin it clear that his insecurities dictate a lot of his actions namsayin. On the first five tracks of the album alone its already like four references to Wu-Tang. Matter fact one is the song "Wu-Tang Forever" n another is the song after it n both em shits got hooks that came from the same Wu song ("Its Yourz"). Son actin like a muthafucka who jus discovered weed for the first time...like nobody else ever experienced that shit so he gon OD on that shit n make niggas expereince it wit him over n over again. We get it Aubrey... theres a dark side to you...one that might gon even say FUCK IT...IMMA PUT THESE EXTRA MARSHMALLOWS IN THIS HERE HOT COCOA N CANT NOOOOOOO N***A STOP ME FROM DOIN THAT SHIT. Coo.. We get it b. You aint hadda make two different Wu-Tang inspired love ballads tho. You aint hadda pretend you was listenin to Cappadonna album on "Tuscan Leather" knowin damn well Cappadonna dont een listen to Cappadonna albums b. But whatever yo.
4. "Accidental Racist"
First off lemme jus say that LL is a actual actual livin legend. I came up on sons music nahmean. He provided the soundtrack for summa the most profound moments in my life b. This the man responsible for "Rock The Bells" aka the quintessential b-boy classic. Thats hip hop in its purest form namsayin. Only shit that comes close to touchin it on that level is "Peter Piper" or "Eric B. Is President" or some shit like that. Son been in the game for 30 damn years yo. This the man who dropped the first album on Def Jam. How many muthafuckas can say some shit like that? His career spans 4 muthafuckin decades b. He got awards n plaques out the ass yo... Son done outlasted so many of his competitors n challengers that he seemed damn near indestructible at one time. From old school cats like Kool Moe Dee n Ice T to that n***a Canibus when he was in his prime....to 2Pac... son done overcame (or outlived) em all yo. So what did it take to finally stop his endless chain of comebacks n put that final nail in his coffin? Jussa a little country duet tellin muthafuckas that over 400 years of slavery, torture, murder, rape, segregation, burnin crosses, police brutality, systematic genocide, n imprisonment could be forgiven IF....white folk dont judge him for his gold chains n whatever. Son. Thats some next level ridiculous shit. He might as well had shouted out the grand dragon of the KKK n danced witta bucket of chicken on his head in the video while Brad Paisley played hambone for him. C'mon son.
3. The "Control" Verse Reaction
Never in the history of hip hop has one verse from one song caused so much emotional turmoil in the rap game b. First of all... pull ya skirt down New York. N***as aint een do they research before reactin like a muthafucka to Kendrick spittin some Kurupt bars from a song they had did together called "Get Bizy". Son spit the shit damn near as a quote n n***as still caught feelings b. Funny thing is nobody said shit when Kurupt spit those same bars n said HE was the King of NY. This the dude who came thru n crushed em buildings wit Snoop in the "New York, New York" video back in the 90s. Even back then it was only a handful of n***as that wanted it wit Young Gotti n replied to that shit namsayin. Shit was like whatever tho. So why n***as reacted like hoes to the Kendrick shit for? N***as either was mad that they aint get mentioned/disrespected or reacted on some bitchmade shit over bein mentioned. N***as aint een pay attention to the fact that two of the n***as he mentioned by name was on the track wit Kendrick b. To make shit more fucked up than that...it was almost like muthafuckas forgot Jay Electron was een on the track yo.... N***as thought it was jus some Medium Sean shit they had to fast forward thru n then the Kendrick verse n the shit was over. N***as caught all types of feelings. Drake only response in interviews seemed to be I REALLY DONT SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS N PERSONALLY DOUBT THAT ANYBODY IS STILL GONNA BE TALKIN ABOUT IT IN WEEK OR A MONTH OR WHATEVER BECAUSE I SURE AINT THINKIN BOUT IT MATTER FACT I GOT A SONG WHERE I EXPLAIN HOW I AINT EVEN THINKIN BOUT IT N HOW I ALREADY FORGOT IT EXISTED BUT YEAH ME N KENDRICK AINT ON SPEAKIN TERMS... Then somebody let Papoose's dusty eternally irrelevant ass in the public library to tweet some warning shots before he officially dropped his Bokeem Woodbine version of a reply. Son...dont nobody got time to hear Papoose verses on a regular day never mind when he tryin to battle relevant n***as. Some replies actually was worth hearin tho...but Meek Mill's wasnt that reply. The boy Joel Ortiz responded to that shit bout 8 minutes after the song dropped tho. His shit was kinda coo. But then every d-league rapper in the game had some shit they wanted to air out nahmean. At some point the boy J.Cole decided it might be a good idea to "pretend" to be hurt bout that shit on a Justin Timberlake remix of all places n address that shit. Son pulled out damn near every trick he had in his repertoire to prove to n***as he could spit... from fake cryin to double time to singin to whatever else he could squeeze into a single verse. N***a did ey'thing BUT rap backwards or in another language on his verse... Son was on some LOOK WHAT I CAN DO shit. We get it bruh...you was upset that Kendrick called you Jermaine on the track instead of by ya rapper name. That shit hadda hurt b. Meanwhile the day the shit dropped Fabolous tweeted "Any studios open yet?" n tried to get n***as amped up... Weeks passed by n that n***a still ain't clap back. Like c'mon son...we kno some studios had opened in that time namsayin. N***as bullshitted n said the label stepped in n prevented son from answerin. Oh ok. Finally son broke his silence to explain how he had sought the advice of some OGs n they had advised him to chill. Son.....WHAT OGs you talmbout? N***a actin like he was bout to hop in the car wit O-Dog n A-Wax to go body this muthafucka. So now you need to get approval from Monster Kody n Larry Hoover to make a damn rap song? C'mon son. So basically the boy Loso waited damn near 5 months to shoot some bars at the muthafucka on the Soul Tape 3 joint...which completely goes against Aubrey's theory that cats was gon be over that shit within a few weeks. Moral of the story here is if you got eyes on you dont let ya ego force you to take shots you cant make. Plain n simple....n if you a nobody ass muthafucka aint nobody gon be impressed if you hit the wide open jumpers cuz aint nobody lookin at you. You gon end up lookin like a fuckin idiot either way b.
2. Yeezus aka Kanye Kardashian
What more can you say bout this muthafucka right now yo? Lets jus go down the list real fast. Son drops the most "artistic" album of his career. Muthafuckas who hate rap love it. Pitchfork gives the shit a 9.5....thats how unbearable this shit is for n***as who actually do love hip hop. Then he got the nerve to drop that shit in stores wit no artwork or a sleeve...jussa plain ol jewel case n a blank disc. His shit barely goes gold. Him n Hov appear to not be fuckin wit each other. Probably got ey'thing to do wit the fact that Kanye became a Kardashian. Meanwhile Kanye had publicly expressed how unimpressed he was wit the Justin Timberlake/Hov collabo "Suit N Tie" n Im pretty sure thats why Hov aint on Yeezus n why Jigga had Swizzy, Pharrell, Timbo, Rick Rubin all chillin in the studio but not one Kanye West contribution on Magna Carta Holy Grail. Somewhere in the midst of all this shit Kanye decides he gon start rockin confederate flags n call hisself a "new slave". Son ended up comparin his fight on the front lines of the entertainment industry to soldiers who been fought in the Middle East n shit. We aint een touch on the fact that son tellin us he the new Jesus neither. Son really think he the Messiah b. I mean...this a disturbed individual yo. Then son proposed to Kim on a baseball field he had rented out in front of all they friends n family n random media personalities n had fireworks n orchestras n shit there...then he got upset when the footage leaked. I mean cmon son. You goin into diva overdrive now. We aint gon talk bout the Jimmy Kimmel twitter rant...bringin Ben Affleck into that shit.... The Sway rant...the heated responses to Sway...the apologies for the heated responses to Sway 5 minutes later after Sway starts askin the n***a if he wanna calm down or finish the convo wit the mics off...The fights wit paparazzi...The "Bound 2" video...the different voices in different interviews....the crystal gimp masks...the feather masks...Im basically jus listin this shit without een explainin nothin no more cuz I aint got time to go thru aaaaaaall this shit b. Im probably forgettin some shit too...but yall get the picture. I mention he named his daughter North? Naw? Never mind...
1. Miley Cyrus
Imma keep this shit short n right to the muthafuckin point. The moment the hip hop community welcomed this bird wit open arms into the culture...when n***as started rockin wit her n givin her a pass for damn near all the corny shit she was doin....it was already a problem. Dont get it twisted doggie... when she on tv twerkin n throwin up the double backwards peace signs n lightin up on awards shows n whatever she not reppin the hillbilly community...she becomin the face of hip hop culture in the mainstream. Yall already let Justin Bieber run wild wit that shit n still dont see the muthafuckin ramifications of that shit. Now yall done took it a step further n let this backwoods hick in the game. Meanwhile its female singers who understand n respect this hip hop shit who get swept under the rug by they own peers. When it comes to the point where a rapper aint gon be able to sell no records without the next Katy Perry on the hook yall gon see what it is. Yall lettin the culture get Elvis'd. I dont mean that as disrespect to Elvis cuz son was a talented individual...this a matter of the crossover audiences takin control of shit they dont kno nothin bout. Soon it aint no crossover nothin its jus washed-over ey'thing. So we lose the identity of what hip hop is. The 12 yr old suburban Miley fan from Beverly Hills dont give a fuck bout the culture b. But she gon be tellin the radio programmers n record companies whats hot. Thats where the focus gon shift to namsayin. So when the "middle class" in hip hop is wiped out n all thats left is mainstream corny muthafuckas like Flo Rida n the way way way underground aint nobody ever heard of em ever type artists fightin to sell like 12 albums...yall gon see what it is.
Aight so there yall have it. Only thing I wanna add is yall need to stop makin resolutions n start makin goals. The average resolution is ancient history by the 3rd week of January b. Thats jus facts namsayin. Me? I live my life one day at a time n I try to carpe all my diems. Im tryna carpe the whole damn anni or anno or whatever nahmean. I suggest yall do the same. Yall dudes stop drinkin that soy milk forreal. Yall pollutin ya physicals wit female hormones n shit. Switch to almond or whatever n get ya fortified nutrients up bruh. Ladies I love yall. The god got nothin but respect for yall. Yall hoes on ya own tho. Aint nobody gon ever love you. But Remember...n this shit go for ey'body... you a physical manifestation of the 5 closest friends you got nahmean. If you hang wit wack broke negative individuals who aint got no life goals that shit WILL drag you down in ya own life namsayin. Cut the bullshit people from ya circles n look to positive, educated, motivated, n successful muthafuckas who you can learn some shit from nahmean. Word is bond. Now get the fuck up out my face.
Aight peace
