I'm almost at a loss for words on this one, guys. Almost. Meaning even though I'm close to fainting over the insanity that is LL Cool J releasing a song with country singer Brad Paisley called "Accidental Racist," I have managed to retain just enough of my sanity to tell you that this sh*t is quite possibly the most ridiculous piece of music/attempt to help race relations in America/desperate attempt at crossover appeal from a white artist I have ever heard in my short life. Granted, I'm sure Brad Paisley thinks he means well when he sings lines in his chorus like,
"I'm proud of where I'm from, but not everything we've done - and it ain't like you and me can rewrite history."
It's true, Brad, we can't rewrite history - if we could, we would go back to a few hours ago and tell you that this song is a really bad idea--made exponentially worse by LL announcing at the end of his verse (which starts off, "Dear Mr. White Man"...yeah.) the following:
If you don't judge my durag, I won't judge your red flag,
or even better yet,
If you don't judge gold chains, I'll forget the iron chains.
Hear that America? If only white people would stop judging black people as the gold-chain-wearing, pant-sagging "up-to-no-good"s (<--LL's words, y'all) they present themselves to be, we'll all be able to finally get over that whole slavery thing everyone seems to get so hung up on. Glad we finally figured it out! Thanks Brad and LL, you guys have allowed us to "let bygones be bygones" - and let no black person ever again dare forget to say, "thanks Abraham Lincoln for freeing me" every morning while brushing his teeth. We should also mention how impressed we are that the pair was able to put out a country/hip-hop collabo worse than Nelly and Tim McGraw's "Over and Over." Of course, we're not the only ones with something to say about the song, so Mr. Cool J felt it behooved him to tweet some inspirational quotes in the midst of the media storm that's been brewing, including the following:
We agree, LL - we just wish you thought about that before agreeing to this mess. If you haven't had enough tears in your Monday yet (we're experiencing rippling waves of them across the Okayplayer office, both of laughter and sadness), feel free to check out "Accidental Racist" below.
[audio:https://www.okayplayer.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/LL-Cool-J-Brad-Paisley-Accidental-Racist.mp3|titles=Brad Paisley feat. LL Cool J - "Accidental Racist"]
Props to Jean Grae for hipping us to our "side eye" news of the day - and for summing it up in two words:
None— Jeremy C. Owens (@Jeremy C. Owens) 1365444851
